Welcome to Resort By the Sea

*Excerpt from an interview that I had with myself on June 29, 2001 that originally appeared nowhere. Permission to use these statements was granted by myself for use only on this site with my permission.

Q: How would you describe your experience living at the Resort By the Sea?

A: Have you ever watched that TV show, Melrose Place? It's just like that. It kinda looks the same too - the pool in the middle and everything... hot Heather Locklear-looking babes... everybody is sleeping with everybody!

Q: Really...?

A: Oh sure! Nothing but pretty people with names like Luke, Trinity, Brittany... We even have a Billy living here - just like on the TV show. No Sydney's though...

Q: I think somebody's pulling my leg...

A: I'm sorry. Was that your leg? 

Q: Yes...

A: See what I mean? Just like Melrose. There's always some kind of weird sexual tension going on...

Q: Weird is right...

A: Actually, its not like Melrose at all. 

Q: Okay. So you're a big fat liar?

A: I'm not fat... but we do have a spectacular view of Corpus Christi in the distance - we can even see the Portland Bridge and an aircraft carrier, the USS Lexington. Let me tell you, having an ocean view is pretty relaxing for sure. I'm not complaining.

Q: If it were like Melrose Place, which character would you be?

A: Hmm. Probably Michael. He slept with everybody, that lucky S.O.B.

Q: So... you can relate with Michael and his lack of ethics?

A: Kind of... No - not really. I think I'm more like Jake. Jake was cool and into cars and motorcycles.

Q: Yeah... But Jake never got the girl. 

A: Okay - then Billy...

Q: Wasn't he the winy little bastard?

A: Umm...

Q: You don't even look like Billy...

A: Okay! It really sucks living here...